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somarysueme:

OK AN IMPORTANT ADULTHOOD TIP IS THAT YOU NEVER GET TOO OLD TO PRETEND YOU ARE A DRAGON WHEN IT’S COLD AND YOU CAN SEE YOUR BREATH I AM FIRE I AM DEATH I HAVE A 401K PLAN AND MANAGE MY FIBER INTAKE MY CLAWS ARE SPEARS MY WINGS ARE A HURRICANE

(via drugssexandsublime)

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bullied:

we live in a world where pizza gets to your house before the police.

(via thefreshprinceofmullingar)

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trustythief:

It’s a metaphor, see,
You put the lime in the coconut, but you don’t shake it all up

(via howimetyourgayuncle)

squidwurd:

main goals when going to a friends house:
-pet dog
-avoid parent
-don’t clog toilet

(via howimetyourgayuncle)

meladoodle:

rodneykong:

if she’s even able to walk after sex you didnt do it right

yeah you’re supposed to cut her legs off 

(via howimetyourgayuncle)

if i give you a boner please tell me so i can feel good about myself

(Source: sn00p4prez, via tragicully)

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